On Your Terms: Why do we Suffer?
We all suffer. It’s part of the human experience. But what’s often overlooked is how much of our suffering is self-imposed. Whether it’s staying in a job that drains us, holding on to toxic relationships, or battling with negative self-talk, we often have more control over our pain than we realize. I’ve come to realize that when we suffer in silence, it only makes it all that much harder to get to the other side.
Why We Choose to Suffer
It sounds counterintuitive, doesn’t it? Who would choose suffering? But the truth is, many of us hold onto things out of comfort or fear of change. The familiar, even if it's painful, feels safer than the unknown. We tell ourselves, “It’s not that bad,” or “I’ll get through it,” when in reality, we're stuck in a loop of avoiding what we really need to face. It’s like walking with a pebble in your shoe—until you stop and take it out, you're going to keep limping.
Ways in Which We can Break Free
1.Acknowledge the Choice
The first step is recognizing that you have a choice in the matter. You might not control all the circumstances around you, but you can decide how you respond to them. This realization is empowering because it puts the power back in your hands.
Once I realized how bad my suffering had become, I realized I had two options: continue or change. The best thing I did for myself was reach out for help. I had this lightbulb moment where I understand that I could suffer in silence or I could suffer with support, either way I was suffering but at least one avenue allowed for me to get completely honest and let people in to help.
2. Let Go of the “Shoulds”
We often suffer because we’re living according to other people’s expectations, or the idealized version of life we think we “should” be leading. The reality is, when I accepted that there are no rules and no timelines, I began to understand that all these expectations I placed on myself were simply made up and leading me to not actually address the root of issues.
3. Embrace Discomfort for Growth
Growth happens when we step outside our comfort zones. It’s easy to keep suffering in the same patterns because they feel predictable, but change requires discomfort. A friend shared with me “what you are not changing, you are choosing.” I realized I was choosing to sit in my suffering and halting my ability to grow into a version of myself I was actually proud of.
The Other Side of Suffering
On the other side of suffering lies freedom. It’s not a place where pain doesn’t exist, but a space where you’ve learned to navigate it without letting it control your life. You become more resilient, more aligned with your true self, and more capable of facing life’s challenges with strength and clarity.
Suffering is inevitable, but how we handle it is up to us. We all suffer with different things, I wrote today’s post because I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that suffering and healing happens on our own terms, not anyone else's . Maybe one day I’ll share what I’ve been suffering with, but for now I am proud of myself for taking the steps to not let my suffering control my life, I hope you begin to do the same.